Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Intellectual Autobiography
I was raised by Mid-Western liberals in Nashville, a small town in eastern North Carolina. My mother was a teacher until she moved to the south and always stressed the importance of reading and writing in the home. For his work my father traveled the world and brought home items and stories from all over Europe and Asia. This early exposure to cultures beyond my own in eastern North Carolina made the world seem both large and small: enormous yet accessible. My family vacationed, at various times, in the West Indies, Italy and Switzerland. I was often happy in my hometown but I always had a desire to experience more. The conservative leanings of my home town's society fostered in me an adversarial intellect. I was often skeptical and contrary almost to the point of absurdity.
My education in the public schools of Rocky Mount, North Carolina both enabled and inhibited my development. My school district was the richest of the poor school systems of my region and thus received no Federal funding. I experienced firsthand the realities of poverty in the school system and began to understand that I was responsible for my own development. During my elementary school years I was forced into the End of Grade testing era which marked the end of arts and cultural development as a goal in public schools. North Carolina implemented End of Grade tests before it became the national standard and the demands of this form of “accountability” choked out the possibility of learning beyond the state-mandated curriculum. I had always been a curious child but this stifling new model forced me to become an autodidact – though I still learned things in school it was up to me to pursue my interests beyond the school yard.
When I was perhaps 14 or 15 years old I started digging through my father's old college books in the attic. I read essays by Thomas Jefferson and Mao Zedong, among others. I read Working by Studs Terkel. Most importantly, for me, I read The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut Jr. After this novel I knew that I wanted to study literature. I was astonished that someone could do so much with a silly science fiction story and I wanted to learn how this was possible.
A teacher in my high school English class exposed me to existentialism by recommending that I read some of the works of Soren Kierkegaard. Although Kierkegaard's work was a bit much for me at the time it became clear that I was struggling with some of the same loneliness and doubt that he was expressing in his work. My readings resonated with me as I was becoming increasingly skeptical of the religion I was being taught in the Catholic church. When my instructors in the church proved themselves either unable or unwilling to engage me in discussions regarding the usefulness of faith and the role of social justice in religion (I remember specifically being ignored when I sought to discuss the works of John Locke in regards to the dogma of the Church) I felt increasingly guilty for feeling doubt. I expressed these concerns in confession, the gravity of this ritual demonstrates how seriously I took the issue, and was again dismissed by an older priest. It was at this moment that I knew that religious faith no longer held any intellectual value for me and that, like my experiences in public school, I was largely on my own if I wished to develop my inner life.
As a freshman at North Carolina State University, a large state school not far from home, I soon became dissatisfied with what I felt to be a constricting educational environment. I did not feel that my peers valued my field of study (literature) or that the university particularly cared about the arts, at least not as much as they cared about football or corporate partnerships. During this time I took several classes with Dr. Nick Halpern on the topic of postmodernism and the works and practices that orbit the concept. Eventually Halpern told me to leave North Carolina State. I remember his words vividly: he said that staying would be “intellectual suicide”. Following his advice and with my parents encouragement I returned home and attended Nash Community College for one year. I explored new fields ranging from anatomy (which I failed) to French (which I passed but did not retain) and law enforcement (which I found to be easy for me but exceptionally distasteful).
My next stop in my micro-tour of North Carolina's public education institutions was the University of North Carolina at Asheville. This school, I understood, had a reputation for attracting creative weirdos of all kinds. A different kind of university appealed greatly to me. At a tenth the size of NC State, UNC-Asheville provided a seminar based education that had been crafted to foster understanding of a topic rather than the ability to regurgitate rote knowledge as had been the mode of much of my previous formal education. In this environment I thrived. Practical uses for my learning became more and more apparent. My studies were now no longer a practice within the classroom but had become a means of living my life. My passion for education grew and upon graduation I began to despair that I would no longer be able to continue my studies. I worried that the working world would crush my newly inflamed passions. Graduate school, then, seemed a logical choice. However, I was uncertain that I would be lucky enough to find a school whose principles and methodology would fit with my personal principles and goals. The New School seemed like a possible fit and thus far it has proved to be so; although I do not particularly love New York City's rampant materialism and consumer culture.
After some reflection I have realized that I tend to live my life as a sequence of projects. I have always developed school projects beyond their intended scope because I felt that such assignments were my opportunity to work for my own satisfaction. As a child I would make movies at home on my parent's camcorder. I was particularly interested in creating special effects for my films which often involved a fair amount of pyrotechnics. It was not uncommon for me to build models only to blow them up. During my time at the community college I founded a record label in order to keep myself busy and prove to myself that I was capable of accomplishing my goals. For more than a year I worked tirelessly promoting local music and organizing shows in what was otherwise a stagnating music community. Although I am not a musician, nor am I particularly interested in a future career as a music promoter or producer, I saw the opportunity and I seized it. I think my greatest skills are not knowing the limits of my own abilities and being able to convince others that, if we simply work together, we can conquer any project. Not long ago I took a project for an undergraduate literature course, collaborated with two friends and turned it into an elaborate puppet production of Christopher Marlowe's The Tragical History of Doctor Faustus. We worked for well over 100 hours each on this project and it was very apparent, especially when compared to most of our classmate's Powerpoint presentations.
At this point in my life I find myself very interested in audio documentary as I have always been a listener of NPR and very few other mediums have captivated me in the ways that radio has. I find corporate radio to be beyond revolting and I want to position myself as resistance to the homogenizing force of the consolidation of global media markets. At present the project that most interests me builds upon my life experience up to this point. I am formulating an audio documentary on the North Carolina roots of jazz greats Thelonious Monk (from my hometown), John Coltrane and Max Roach. I have the resources in North Carolina and in New York to do this. I believe that my literature review will focus, at least, on Monk and the New York / North Carolina exchange. I am in a position to tell this story and I am now eager to do it.
It is in my nature to meticulously plan my projects. I am a risk taker but I'm also a reasonable person. More clearly, I don't often consider my decisions before making them but I do careful consider their execution. Perhaps another project will interest me more in the future but I won't be comfortable with myself until I am working towards a goal and I've gone too long without a project already. Like a shark, I fear that if I don't keep moving I may drown.
My education in the public schools of Rocky Mount, North Carolina both enabled and inhibited my development. My school district was the richest of the poor school systems of my region and thus received no Federal funding. I experienced firsthand the realities of poverty in the school system and began to understand that I was responsible for my own development. During my elementary school years I was forced into the End of Grade testing era which marked the end of arts and cultural development as a goal in public schools. North Carolina implemented End of Grade tests before it became the national standard and the demands of this form of “accountability” choked out the possibility of learning beyond the state-mandated curriculum. I had always been a curious child but this stifling new model forced me to become an autodidact – though I still learned things in school it was up to me to pursue my interests beyond the school yard.
When I was perhaps 14 or 15 years old I started digging through my father's old college books in the attic. I read essays by Thomas Jefferson and Mao Zedong, among others. I read Working by Studs Terkel. Most importantly, for me, I read The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut Jr. After this novel I knew that I wanted to study literature. I was astonished that someone could do so much with a silly science fiction story and I wanted to learn how this was possible.
A teacher in my high school English class exposed me to existentialism by recommending that I read some of the works of Soren Kierkegaard. Although Kierkegaard's work was a bit much for me at the time it became clear that I was struggling with some of the same loneliness and doubt that he was expressing in his work. My readings resonated with me as I was becoming increasingly skeptical of the religion I was being taught in the Catholic church. When my instructors in the church proved themselves either unable or unwilling to engage me in discussions regarding the usefulness of faith and the role of social justice in religion (I remember specifically being ignored when I sought to discuss the works of John Locke in regards to the dogma of the Church) I felt increasingly guilty for feeling doubt. I expressed these concerns in confession, the gravity of this ritual demonstrates how seriously I took the issue, and was again dismissed by an older priest. It was at this moment that I knew that religious faith no longer held any intellectual value for me and that, like my experiences in public school, I was largely on my own if I wished to develop my inner life.
As a freshman at North Carolina State University, a large state school not far from home, I soon became dissatisfied with what I felt to be a constricting educational environment. I did not feel that my peers valued my field of study (literature) or that the university particularly cared about the arts, at least not as much as they cared about football or corporate partnerships. During this time I took several classes with Dr. Nick Halpern on the topic of postmodernism and the works and practices that orbit the concept. Eventually Halpern told me to leave North Carolina State. I remember his words vividly: he said that staying would be “intellectual suicide”. Following his advice and with my parents encouragement I returned home and attended Nash Community College for one year. I explored new fields ranging from anatomy (which I failed) to French (which I passed but did not retain) and law enforcement (which I found to be easy for me but exceptionally distasteful).
My next stop in my micro-tour of North Carolina's public education institutions was the University of North Carolina at Asheville. This school, I understood, had a reputation for attracting creative weirdos of all kinds. A different kind of university appealed greatly to me. At a tenth the size of NC State, UNC-Asheville provided a seminar based education that had been crafted to foster understanding of a topic rather than the ability to regurgitate rote knowledge as had been the mode of much of my previous formal education. In this environment I thrived. Practical uses for my learning became more and more apparent. My studies were now no longer a practice within the classroom but had become a means of living my life. My passion for education grew and upon graduation I began to despair that I would no longer be able to continue my studies. I worried that the working world would crush my newly inflamed passions. Graduate school, then, seemed a logical choice. However, I was uncertain that I would be lucky enough to find a school whose principles and methodology would fit with my personal principles and goals. The New School seemed like a possible fit and thus far it has proved to be so; although I do not particularly love New York City's rampant materialism and consumer culture.
After some reflection I have realized that I tend to live my life as a sequence of projects. I have always developed school projects beyond their intended scope because I felt that such assignments were my opportunity to work for my own satisfaction. As a child I would make movies at home on my parent's camcorder. I was particularly interested in creating special effects for my films which often involved a fair amount of pyrotechnics. It was not uncommon for me to build models only to blow them up. During my time at the community college I founded a record label in order to keep myself busy and prove to myself that I was capable of accomplishing my goals. For more than a year I worked tirelessly promoting local music and organizing shows in what was otherwise a stagnating music community. Although I am not a musician, nor am I particularly interested in a future career as a music promoter or producer, I saw the opportunity and I seized it. I think my greatest skills are not knowing the limits of my own abilities and being able to convince others that, if we simply work together, we can conquer any project. Not long ago I took a project for an undergraduate literature course, collaborated with two friends and turned it into an elaborate puppet production of Christopher Marlowe's The Tragical History of Doctor Faustus. We worked for well over 100 hours each on this project and it was very apparent, especially when compared to most of our classmate's Powerpoint presentations.
At this point in my life I find myself very interested in audio documentary as I have always been a listener of NPR and very few other mediums have captivated me in the ways that radio has. I find corporate radio to be beyond revolting and I want to position myself as resistance to the homogenizing force of the consolidation of global media markets. At present the project that most interests me builds upon my life experience up to this point. I am formulating an audio documentary on the North Carolina roots of jazz greats Thelonious Monk (from my hometown), John Coltrane and Max Roach. I have the resources in North Carolina and in New York to do this. I believe that my literature review will focus, at least, on Monk and the New York / North Carolina exchange. I am in a position to tell this story and I am now eager to do it.
It is in my nature to meticulously plan my projects. I am a risk taker but I'm also a reasonable person. More clearly, I don't often consider my decisions before making them but I do careful consider their execution. Perhaps another project will interest me more in the future but I won't be comfortable with myself until I am working towards a goal and I've gone too long without a project already. Like a shark, I fear that if I don't keep moving I may drown.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
A Brief History of (my) Time (at The New School)
The objective of this blog is to serve as a record of my work during the course of my graduate studies at The New School. It will also serve as a hub to other aspects of my web presence (especially the blogs that I keep for other classes). I will develop this blog into a dynamic portfolio of my work which, hopefully, will provide a snapshot of my academic and professional life.
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